yesterday, i was picking up my apartment, (how heavenly it is when my life is clean and orderly), and it happened. ya know. it.

that feeling. a rush of sorts.
i knew i had to drop everything i was doing and pick up a pen, or i would lose what i was thinking about.

here is what i wrote:

to consider: what DO i want?

what are some positive steps i can take to move towards getting what i want?

what am i striving for?

who do i want to become?

where do i want to be?

what do i want my mind to look like?

what feeling am i trying to accomplish?



so, i was thinking about this list just now, and i figure, no time better than the present, right?

what do i want?

i want to love myself. un fucking conditionally.
i want to understand, everyday, all the time, without a doubt that i am. it is. we are. everything will be. and everything is always done with divine timing.
i want to set goals and believe in myself enough to accomplish them.
i want to actually put money in my savings account. every time i get paid.
i want to find a job that, not only do i not hate, but actually enjoy.
i want to develop solidify a feeling of confidence.
because i am enough, god damnit.

on THAT note.. i had to give a persuasive speech this week in class.
i struggled to find a topic that i actually gave a shit about enough to really come across with real passion.
so.. i chose television and attempted to persuade my class to turn. it. off.
one of the things that was striking to me during the whole practice of thinking about a topic, writing the speech, editing it, reading it, memorizing it, practicing practicing practicing it, and then finally delivering it to my class.. something happened. one of the things i despise the most about television and the media in general is projecting an image to men and women alike of a certain body type..hair color.. etc... so after chatting about that for a second in my speech i spoke the words, "the most important thing i have learned from not watching television, is that i am enough. just because i am me".

those are not words that i speak to myself often enough.
hell, it's usually the opposite.
which is so fucked up.
sometimes i get so wrapped up in the crazy spin cycle of negative thought it is absolutely unreal.
however, i am starting to be able to recognize when i am being incredibly hateful to myself and attempting to turn that frown upside down and allow myself to focus on the positive.

i AM enough.
i am wicked smart.
i am a gosh darn HONOR STUDENT. (so EFF YOU to that woman who said i WASNT COLLEGE MATERIAL)
i can go anywhere i want and do anything i can dream of.
i can dream until my heart feels like it will take flight.
i can fulfill my dreams, or simply allow them to be dreams.
it's all up to me.
i can read and write and sing and laugh and dance and cry and speak and tremble and hike and scream and play and cook and feel the sunshine beaming down on my skin.
i can do anything.
anything. anything anything.
i just have to believe it.
i have to believe that i can do it.
because in my mind, in my deep soul of souls waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay down there..
i know i can.
but this weird voice pushes me away from my ultimate truth.

and my ultimate truth is?

succeed. by all means. succeed.
i have an entire other philosophy about success that i will save for another time.

as well as the rest of my unanswered questions.. another day i suppose.

i am going to strap myself down to do math homework. because i am dreading it more and more every second. and that is no way to live.

<3 <3 <3

meeowwww

things already completed today::

mad crazy fun time with helga at the park.



things that need to be completed today::

labs 7, 8, and 9 for psych.
math homework.
plan persuasive speech.
french workbook.
thrift store shopping for summer clothes!!
grocery shop.
clean bathroom.
return redbox movie.
most importantly, drink coffee. which is about to begin.

ohhhhhhhhh today how i love you.
monday's are great days to have off.

that's my vibe.

currently fucking obsessed with this song:::

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BaVi_t_smTc&feature=channel



god bless the WEST COAST for pouring over me and exposing a beautiful side of my mind.

aint it grand when that happens? mmmmmm. san francisco. i love you.

sha la la

woooooooooahhh note ::::: so i cant figure out why these pictures are showing up so huge?? i suppose if you click them you can see the whole thing? uhh i dont know. damn. i'll figure it out another day.


another lovely day.
denver, what a place.

so, i broke down and bought a camera. yeeehaw!!
im super stoked on it.
and now i am able to display the treehouse i referred to..



my kitchen.
although you are unable to fully grasp the true wonderment of the treehouse itself, a little sliver of it should be suffice.

ahhh yes.

i just returned from a trip to target..
where i purchased things of the travel sized nature.



because tomorrow tomorrow tomorrow is my trip to the big city!!!
where i will be visiting this lovely fellow..



alas, i must go. packing time, cleaning time, lunch time, then work time.

moohoohooo

ghost cows on the prowl.


okay. so. i think that today might be one of those magical days!!!
allow me to explain myself::

helga woke me up at six to potty (im telling you..she is the smartest puppy in the universe)

here she is..



so after a small stroll in the snowy march morning, i plopped her into bed with me (she sleeps in her kennel like a good girl all night), so i figure once she's up in the morning, it's helga and momma cuddle time.

i didn't end up going back to sleep, instead helga and i had massive play time until like 930.. all of a sudden it was freakin 930. so she had breakfast, we had our real morning walk and she promptly fell asleep and is now snoring on my couch.

i made my very first omelet ever with green peppers and onions, and topped with salsa and swiss (holy shit. it was so delish), along with coffee...of course. if i had a camera i would totally add a picture. helga pics thanks to my fabulous across the hall neighbor.. jes!!


so here i am. loving my life. again.

mama tried is playing.. listen to it here..

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VEizEzCI2Gk

sitting in the treehouse. (ughhh i fucking wish i could post a picture of the treehouse right now)


btw..the treehouse is my apartment. the rationale behind this name is this..
i live on the top floor of my apartment building.. THE AMBASSADORRRRRR... and i took the screens out of my windows. and there is a large tree right across from my windows. so.. i live in a treehouse.

so, im sitting in the treehouse, listening to a quirky mix of tunes, helga is snoring and i don't have to work until five tonight. OH! and did i add?? it's snowing!!
IT'S SNOWING!!!!!!!!!! OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOHHH!! the snow makes my heart burst with love and excitement and all things joyous..

AND!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! im going to SAN FRANCISCO ON MONDAY!!!! san fran san fran san fran san fran!!!! i cannot wait. i seriously just might go into cardiac arrest on the airplane from way too much excitement about this trip. forecast in san fran next week?? 60's and sunny BITCHES!!!

and. okay. and another thing.
i have straight fucking A's and i will be inducted into the.. hahaha i just started typing "hall of fame" but that's is not what i meant, clearly. i will be inducted into phi theta kappa, which is the "international honor society" for 2 year colleges. so even though this is my last semester at the community college.. i worked my ASS off to get good grades.. (only one B the entire time, the rest C's.. just kidding, the rest A's!!!!)

needless to say. things are good. things are great. things are fucking magical.

peace love and tutu's

katherine

what would you attempt to do if you knew you could not fail?

im working on a little project.
many sub-projects to stem from this one in particular.
but ive decided, based on a series of events, to make a list of the greatest 100 songs of all time

[according to moi]
..meaning it will be brilliant...
im just sayin

here are some ideas

walkin after midnight-patsy cline
clay pigeons- john prine
love of my life- erykah badu
love shack- b52's
i got love- nate dogg
closer to fine- indigo girls
we are water- patty griffin
when it doesnt come easy-patty griffin
hold you in my arms- ray lamontagne
reunited- wutang
heart of the city- jayz
human beat box- fat boys
late in the evening- paul simon
as long as the world stands- doyle lawson
life during wartime- talking heads
so fresh so clean- outkast
forever- ben harper
cowgirl in the sand- neil young
whatd i say- ray charles
take it easy- eagles